And so it begins... Or ends... Or the beginning of the end...?*

We are moving. Home. HOME! :-D.
Oh the joy that fills my heart to be going home!
Home isn't far from where we live now- a mere 20 min drive into paradise, but to be living there, waking up there every morn, playing there every day, breathing the air, walking through the hills and forests, and drinking the water (no more chlorine and fluoride!!), playing in the creek, swimming in the river, and reimmersing back into the community, well, that just feels like bliss to me :-).

But first.... one 3 bedroom home packed full of years worth of hoarded treasure, must go, to allow our remaining possessions to fit into a 220 x 808 cm housetruck... Jinkies! The past few weeks I've been really excited about freeing up my time, setting myself free by letting go of SO MUCH STUFF, but now it's crunch time and though I'm still very excited, it is proving to be rather tough.

Measuring out my little guys new 'room' (a 220 x 150 mezzanine) to see what will fit, and what won't!*

Our new dining table. Yup, for reals! The small ones play table.  Japanese style dining anyone? ;-).*

 Books, for example- I have been reading this to help inspire myself, and sustaining myself w large helpings of these guys to get me through. I wonder if they have done a post on craft items and other 'useful' materials... I hope so!!!
Wish me luck! I'm gonna
 need it ;-).
Ka kite ano, Tink*

Focus...*

I have been thinking a little bit, here and there, lately, about attempting a few blog posts...
I just spent a quiet hour (gee, how time can fly!) on here fiddling around w my settings to pimp my blog ;-). I do love bright colours, and am pleased w the new look.

And that photo- THAT photo (the one just under the 'Milkface' title), of my sweet boy flying on by... I love it- for a hundred different reasons, but most of all, because it speaks to me of keeping what is most important, most dear to my heart, in focus. And that is him :-).
More soon Xx*

863 Nights*

(Written on Sunday)
Last night was my first night, ever, with out my sweet, precious boy. Since the moment he was a wee seed growing in my puku (and before, if you were to think about it in such a way), and for 863 continuous, beautiful nights after his birth we have never been apart.
Curling up with my beautiful little fellow at the end of a long day, for me, has always been one of the sweetest rewards Mama-hood brings. It is the best part of my day :-).
I always knew the time would come, when eventually he would spend a night away from me once in a while, but I also knew I would find it really hard when the time finally came. And I was right... I cried after he left with his dad, and when he came home again today.

In the past three months, since the separation, the hardest thing for me to deal with has been the time spent away from my son. The decision to have a child was a very conscious choice for me, a choice that I made because I genuinely wanted to have a child IN my life, not to just have a child. Having never spent more than 3 hours away from him before (and that in itself was very rare), and then all of a sudden being without him for 7 hours one day, or two hours every evening, was like having my heart ripped out!

That has, by far, been the hugest hurdle for me to work through since separating from Chris. Time away from my little love. Lots of time away from him. But what has helped me to get through that has been the knowledge that, though he often does it in a different way to me, he loves our sweet boy JUST as much as I do. Our son's secondary attachment (and only just secondary, in my opinion, now that he is 2.25) is with his father, and it is not just OK for him to spend time with him, but healthy and important, for both of them.

I am working at making positive use of my new 'free time'. I have started up yoga classes again, and have managed to make it to a couple of evening craft groups (some woodwork, needle felting, stitch'n'bitch), and this week I'm hoping to make it to my first life drawing class. So all is not lost. And though I still very much feel that I am deep in transition, and will probably be for awhile yet, I like to think that when I settle into this new way of life, that the time I am spending with my darling boy will be far more conscious, present time. I feel I am on my way to that already, but still have some way to go.

Transition. For me, this is the place where I know what I DON'T want in my life and am moving away from that. Equally important is that I am clarifying that which I DO want, and am consciously moving towards it. But the terrain is unfamiliar, and though it can feel exciting and full of promise some days, it can just as equally be lonely, scary, and uncertain. Lucky I like a great adventure! :-D.
Arohanui, Tink Xx*

Change*

This year has been one of epic change for me. I have always had the belief that turning 30 would mean something magical for me, that my life would blossom, and things would make more sense, and I would feel more comfortable in my skin. And, just like anything we put our belief into, these changes are occurring. But this is definately not a case of faery godmothers waving wands and all is peachy! Nope, I'm on a journey that is far more rewarding than that!

My winter involved a lot of withdrawal from the world; this blog for starters, but also groups and activities I've been involved with in the past, and even from friends and family to a certain extent, as I gathered my personal resources close to myself, giving me some much needed energy for a deep clean of my heart and my mind, but still enabling me to continue giving my sweet boy what he needs.

I was cleaning out some suitcases from my previous life (pre mama!), and found an old sketch book which I had scribbled down a quote in. Though I have no idea where it is from, who wrote it, or where I read it, I think it sums up so much about where I am right now. It's the kind of thing I think is relevant for us all, and is worth sharing.

"All sustaining change that will benefit my life will take an exchange of something I would rather hang on to. This truth however has an extremely bright side; If I am willing to make the sacrifice then what I aim for will become increasingly evident and rewarding."

It is now written up on a chalkboard in my kitchen. When things get tough, I read it, and it sustains me, and inspires me :-).

I also had the blessing of reconnecting w a childhood friend Rebekah, in one of those magical ways that the universe uses to remind you that you are on the right path. I had been having the feeling that I needed to supplement my 'work' (counselling, reading etc) with something that shifted my 'stuff' on a more cellular level, and low and behold, back into my life walked Rebekah, who in the 17ish years since we last saw each other, has become a Zero Balance practitioner. I'd never heard of ZB, and though I shall try to to ramble on too much, I do think it is worth a mention. Zero Balancing works on the energy that is stored in our bones, much of which can be negative energy. The process is pretty amazing, but feels really simple and relaxing, and during both my first and second sessions what I experienced was undeniably healing! Undeniably! 

I guess with any ammount of change there is risk involved. When you reach a point in your life where the risk of staying the same outweighs the risk of change, then big things start to happen. 

My partner and I seperated just over a month ago now, and so we are working together as best we can to provide all the love and support, fun and magic, cuddles, snuggles, adventures, games and stories that our darling boy needs and deserves (and that we both so gladly want to give him!), from two houses now, instead of one. I guess I may write about that a little more as time goes on, but right now, that is probably enough information :-).

So here I am! Feeling excited about what all this newness shall bring, and rather hopeful and more inspired than I have felt for a long time, but most of all I am feeling a renewed confidence in myself, and my ability to make the absolute best of whatever comes my way.

'The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.' Anais Nin 

And, for anyone that remembers this photo of chaos, here is an update! Yup, big changes happening around here, all over the show! 

Arohanui, Tink*

Leaving (noun) an Autumn activity involving leaves.*

Just some lovely photos to share, of my sweet boy, and his best mate Soul enjoying Autumn... 

Arohanui, Tink Xx*

How cool is this chainsaw? Bought for Soul at the Steiner Autumn Fair*

Don't worry, that hammer actually lands about 2 inches behind that wee finger!*

Magic!*

Scooping...*

Throwing...*

Brooming...*

Fall*

Hello again! My, it feels like so long... Oh well, life happens, doesn't it! ;-).

So the fabulous Craft Wars has been and gone, and I am disappointed to say I didn't take any proper photos!! This is not like me at all- but I shall put it down to excitement!

All packed up- after the show*

 Fortunately my lovely Flower did take some photo's, so check hers out over here. We had an AWESOME time, and I can't wait for the next one in November. 

I have sorted out a wee Felt shop with some of my stock, which I will add to as soon as I sort out my shonky photos. Also, I need to find a clever way to test the recycled fabrics I pick up from our local Arts Recycling Centre when I'm a bit unsure of what they are made from... Any ideas? (Yes, I shall get my butt around to googling it, but any 'tried and true' tips would be awesome!). I prefer to use wool or cotton, or other natural fibres, but if I spot a gorgeous (reclaimed) fabric that I'm unsure of the 'contents' of, I grab it.

And, of course, Autumn is falling all around here- and it's beautiful :-).

The view from my Stitch Room. Not the sunny side of the house unfortunately*

Leafy puddles, ready for faerys to collect*

Our apple crop was bountiful last year- though is looking a lil' sad this time around*

Gearing up! All three porches are stacked*

Eternally wet washing*

Autumn Silverbeet*

Our first Fennel bulb, which I'm REALLY excited about!*

My sweet boy, out for a puddle-splashing adventure with me :-).*

Hope you're all warm and toasty, and loving the Autumn leaves, 

Arohanui, Xx Tink*

Around here...*

When I see this photo, I think of the Sia album titled 'Some People Have Real Problems'!*

Stamp. It works sometimes! Still faster than hand painting them all.*

Crunchy, floaty autumn leaves :-).*

Definately the last swim of the season!*

Also, three things worth taking a peek at:

 a) Going to this in Palmy, next Saturday,  b) A wonderful birth story from the lovely Rhianon over at Toast- Congratulations, clever Mama! :-). and c) something that has been on my mind much lately. Arohanui, Tink Xx*